急求一篇英语文章 拜托啦
Cool breeze, clear sky, the fragrance in the flower season, we are ushering in a 56-year-old mother's birthday, and wish with all the National Day, I am very happy. Here, I am proud of the motherland, said: I love you, China!
Ah! Yellow River Yangtze, Pentium thousands of miles, how you nurture a glorious nation! Five thousand years of glorious history, renowned in the world of Chinese civilization, can be stunning. Oh, mother, trickling flow of the river is always flowing your long hair, a long long mountain is the backbone of your tough. Fill the fields as you have the treasure, you have great variety and beauty of the landscape, you have the magnificent Forbidden City, you have the Great Wall stretching, even if we have through the ages, Wang has. You have many, many. . . . . . In your vast land, generation after generation of Chinese people with their own hands have created the splendid oriental civilization.
However, we will not fet that the Chinese have several years, after the suffering of our motherland have much bullying and insults. Ming Yuan Park, we can not fet the fire, can not fet the Chinese people hold the head in each of the "Sick Man of East Asia," the hat, fet the park in front of "Chinese and Dogs Not Allowed To Enter" sign, Nanjing 300000 compatriots fet red Yangtze River. The earth in the groans of the Yellow River in the crying, but the Chinese people will never be crushed.
sons and daughters of China opened a prelude to invasion. The banner of the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom, the Reform Movement of the thunder, Yihetuan Tenodera fighters, Revolution of the guns, all to the whole world that: the Chinese nation can not insult the Chinese people is not to be bullied. Scream 54 Movement, the establishment of the Communist Party of China, more like thunder across the night sky. From Nanchang to Jinggangshan from Yan'an to Xibaipo, "A single spark can start a prairie fire." Chinese people use millet plus rifles simply played a splendid new China, this giant of the East has finally stood up again!
The ups and downs through 56 years, after 54 hard years, we stand tall in the country east of the world. Chinese people are enjoying unprecedented peace and prosperity. Socialism with Chinese characteristics is the ship through the waves, head high before!
Students, we have been very strong in China, but must not fet that our great cause of reunification has not yet been completed, the international anti-China forces in the heart of death, I dead, to China's Diaoyu Islands, Japan, mouth-watering, but also must not fet that in 1999 the Embassy of China deep-fried, the blood of our compatriots to tell us: We are also not strong enough.
Difficulties in advance and stimulate the enthusiasm of our will to fight the new millennium, new century, new starting point, we sounded the clarion call for Congress to enter the new clarion call, hundreds of millions of Chinese people are fing ahead toward new goals.
Students, we are the future of the motherland and the nation, we are born in a great era. Students, and efforts to it, the great rejuvenation of the Chinese nation will be in our hands to achieve. Motherland, ah, mother! Please be assured that we will not live up to the history of the great trust that the new "Chinese Symphony" will be performed in our hands more brilliant, more brilliant music! Li Dazhao as expected: "Let the righteous years of the Chinese nation in the flames of youth again! Allow China five thousand years of Chinese vigorous national spirit in the flames of youth renewable!!!"
对了，我这还有几篇供您参考：
1.One person that is very special to me is my younger cousin. I remember when I first saw her we just smiled at each other and she offered to share her food with me, I thought we was really nice so I immediately liked her. After getting home i found out she was sleeping over at my house that day and i was so excited since I find her to be a very nice and fun person. At night we played games, we laughed, smiled, screamed, and had so much fun. After that day she became not only a family member to me but also a very good friend who I can share secrets with.
2. I'm for taking home doggie bags because I think wasting is a big problem in this society we live in already if we don't take home doggie bags it would be a bigger problem. Many homeless people don't even have the money to afford food, we shouldn't waste the food that can be eaten and just throw it away. We can take home doggie bags and either eat it ourselves or even give it to the homeless who can't afford to buy food. Some people think it's rather embarrassing to take home doggie bags but I find nothing wrong with it and people should be proud of it.
3. I remember I had a very weird dream I was about 8 years old, the dream is still stuck in my mind because of how strange it was to me. The dream was about me getting chased by some giant snake that came to my cousin's house. The snake was trying to eat everyone and everyone was running for their lives. I ran out the door and it came after me which scared me and made me run really fast. When i woke up from the dream I found myself crying, I guess it was because I was too scared and cried in my sleep since I was still too young to know there aren't really any monsters in this world.
4. One of my best shopping experience is probably the time when I shopped with 3 of my friends. It was right after Chinese New Year so we all had a pretty decent amount of money to shop for pretty much anything we want. We all had fun because we didn't have to worry we won't have money and it's funner when everyone your shopping with is buying too instead of only yourself buying something. That was one shopping experience I'll never fet and I hope to have another shopping experience like that again the next time Chinese New Year comes.
5Water
Water is very important for living things. Without water there can be no life on earth. All animals and plants need water. Man also needs water.
Water is found atmosteverywhere. Even in the driest part of the world there is some water in the air.
As we all have found out, water may be a solid, or a liquid or a gas.When it isa solid, it may be as hard as brick, When itis a liquid, you can pour it out of a container. When it is a gas, you cannot see or feel it.
Although about 70 percent of the earth’s surface is covered with water,there are many places in the world still running out of water. So we should make good use of water on earth.
6 The time resembles the sword livelihood like shuttle! In a moment I could not see old friend's fase.Dream West "has been operated successfully for three years, to further improve the service, many gamers have been approved, the number of online repeated glory.With the "Dream West", the ROC, some of the illegal profits were also Daohao claws of the game.
7There are four people in my family,my parents,my bother and I.My family is pretty good. I’m really happy.
7My brother is shy and funny. He is good at sports and does well in volleyball.But he hates studying and his grades are bad. He like telling jokes. He always plays jokes on his friends and my family, and always makes us laugh.
My father is a doctor. He works in a hospital of Sanya. He doesn’t like watching TV, but he likes reading newspaper and read it every night.
My mother is a waitress. She works in a restaurant. She has good habits. She likes eating vegetables and drinking milk every day. But I don’t like milk. It is awful. She likes watching Beijing Opera at free time. She says it’s good for her to keep young and it can make her relaxed.
My families are always doing what is best for me.They are always on my side.
I love each person in my family. I love my sweet warm home
8 A summary of the physical and chemical nature of life must begin, not on the Earth, but in the Sun; in fact, at the Sun's very center. It is here that is to be found the source of the energy that the Sun constantly pours out into space as light and heat. This energy is librated at the center of the Sun as billions upon billions of nuclei of hydrogen atoms collide with each other and fuse together to form nuclei of helium, and in doing so, release some of the energy that is stored in the nuclei of atoms. The output of light and heat of the Sun requires that some 600 million tons of hydrogen be converted into helium in the Sun every second. This the Sun has been doing for several thousands of millions of year.
9The nuclear energy is released at the Sun's center as high-energy gamma radiation, a form of electromagnetic radiation like light and radio waves, only of very much shorter wavelength. This gamma radiation is absorbed by atoms inside the Sun to be reemitted at slightly longer wavelengths. This radiation , in its turn is absorbed and reemitted. As the energy filters through the layers of the solar interior, it passes through the X-ray part of the spectrum eventually becoming light. At this stage, it has reached what we call the solar surface, and can escape into space without being absorbed further by solar atoms. A very small fraction of the Sun's light and heat is emitted in such directions that after passing unhindered through interplanetary space, it hits the Earth
10 I am going to do many things and be very busy on the weekend. So I do my homework on Saturday morning.
In the afternoon, I am going to do housework with my mother. Because I am a good girl, I am helpful at home.
On Sunday morning, I am going to visit my grandparents with my parents. In the afternoon, we are going to the park together. Because there is a kite show. And my grandparents likes making kites. I think, we can see many beautiful kites there. And we are going to buy some beautiful kites, too. Then, we are going to fly the new kites, that’s fun. In the evening, we are going to have a big dinner. We are going to have fish for dinner. Because my grandparents likes eating fish. And my grandma cooks fish well. After dinner, we are going to watch TV together. We are going to be very happy.
This is my happy weekend. I like my weekend very much. What about your weekend? Can you tell me?
求一篇英语短文
My future
As the song goes “ My future isn’t a dream .” I love the song which brings me confidence when singing it every time . I believe that all our dreams can come true if we have courage to pursue them .When I was young my father always asked me what I would be in the future . Sometimes I found it very hard to give a certain reply . “ I want to be a doctor .” “ I want to be a teacher .” and “ I ’d like to be a scientist !” Many of these answers are perhaps very childish and ridiculous . But I never think they are far away .
How time flies! Who is able to give a definition to his future ? I know clearly that those high buildings are based on solid foundation . As a student , I should have a reasonable aim , and study hard . My goal is to enter the best university for further study after middle school . I know it’s hard work , and I ’ll come across many difficulties and frustrations . But no matter what they are , I’ll keep working on it and never give up . My teacher says there ’s only one kind of people that are truly successful : those who are brave enough to put up with hardships . Even if I won’t achieve the goal , I have no regrets for what I have done , for I have struggled for my life .
急求10篇英语小短文带翻译的！
Park
There is a park near my home.There are a lot of beautiful trees,flowers and birds in the park.So many people go to the park to enjoy their weekends.They like walking or having a picnic in the park.But I like flying a kite with my sisiter there.
我家附近有一个公园。哪里有很多美丽的树、花和小鸟。所以很多人都喜欢到那里去度周末。他们喜欢在公园里散步或是野餐.但是我喜欢和我姐姐在那里放风筝。
Bedroom
I have a small bedroom.There are only a small bed,a small desk and a small chair in the room.And there is a beautiful doll on my blue bed.Everyday I do my homework,read books and play games with the doll in my bedroom.It is small,but it gives me much happiness.
我有一间小小的卧室。那里有一张小小的床、小小桌子和一把小小的椅子。而且还有一个漂亮的娃娃在我那张蓝色的小床上。我每天都在房间里写作业，看书和与我的娃娃玩。虽然房间很小，但是他给了我很多欢乐。
My father
My father is a tall and handsome man.He is a policeman. Everyday he comes back home very late,because he must help the others.He doesn't have time to examine my homework and take me to the park.But I like my father,because he is a good policeman.
我的爸爸是一个高大帅气的男人。他是一个警察。他每天都很晚才回家，因为他要帮助其他的人。他没有时间给我检查作业和带我去公园。但是我仍然很喜欢我的爸爸，因为他是一个好警察。
Yesterday it was Fathers'Day.I didn't go to school, I went shopping with my friend.I used my pocket money to bought a nice gift for my father .As soon as I got home,I cleaned the house and did some housework.When my father came back home,he saw the house was clean.He felt very happy.
昨天是父亲节,我没有去上学,我和我的朋友们一起去购物,我用我的零花钱给我爸爸买了一份漂亮的礼物,我一回家,我就打扫房间和做家务.当我爸爸回到家的时候,他看见屋子很干净,他感到非常开心.
on June 15, Sunday, I went to play football with my friends in the afternoon. We went to the playground where we usually went. We were playing happily. Suddenly, I fell over and my leg hurt. My best friend, Li Hua, took me to a hospital. The doctor looked over my leg for a while. At the end, there aren't any big problems on my leg and my friends went home with me in case i would fall down again.
6月15号,星期天下午,我和我的朋友们去踢足球,我们去我们去过的操场玩,我们玩得很开心,突然,我摔倒了,脚也受伤了,我最好的朋友李华,送我去医院,医生看了我的脚一会儿,最后,医生说我脚没有什么大问题,然后我的朋友就送我回家,
求一篇英语短文
很多短小精悍的给你看看：
Q: What's the difference between a monkey and a flea?
A: A monkey can have fleas, but a flea can't have monkeys.
猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢？你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢，那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤，而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧？
Q: How can you most irritate a farmer?
A: By treading on his corn?
如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物，他肯定会生气的；而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼，他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”，也有“鸡眼”的意思。
Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world?
A: The snail. It carries its house on its back.
因为snail（蜗牛）的后背上总是背着一所房子，所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢？
Q: What do people do in a clock factory?
A: They make faces all day.
一看到make faces这个短语，你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀！因为除了这个意思以外，它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。
Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep?
A: Keep him awake.
怎样才能不让梦游者（sleepwalker）梦游（walk in his sleep）呢？最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法，但如果让梦游者醒着呢，他的确就不会去梦游了。
He is really somebody
-- My uncle has 1000 men under him.
-- He is really somebody. What does he do?
-- A maintenance man in a cemetery.
他真是一个大人物
-- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。
-- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的？
-- 墓地守墓人。
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience.
At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
它们是从美国直接带来的
一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久，到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台，银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票，看是否有假。
这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦，最后实在忍耐不住说：“相信我，先生，也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元，它们是从美国直接带来的。”
Mrs. Brown: Oh, my dear, I have lost my precious little dog!
Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers!
Mrs. Brown: It's no use, my little dog can't read.
我的狗不识字
布朗夫人：哦，
亲爱的，我把珍爱的小狗给丢了！
史密斯夫人：可是你该在报纸上登广告啊！
布朗夫人：没有用的，我的小狗不认识字。”
Bring me the winner
-- Waiter, this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight.
-- Well, bring me the winner then.
给我那个打赢的吧
-- 服务员，
这个龙虾只有一只爪。
-- 对不起，先生，这只肯定打过架了。
-- 哦， 那给我那个打赢的吧。
The mean man's party.
The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment, he said, "Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open, push with your foot."
"Why use my elbow and foot?"
"Well, gosh," was the reply, "You're not coming empty-hangded, are you?"
吝啬鬼请客
一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说：“你上到五楼，找中间那个门，然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后，再用你的脚把门推开。”
“为什么要用我的肘和脚呢？”
“你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪，你总不会空着手来吧？”吝啬鬼回答。
Advice for "Kid"
A bit of advice for those about to retire. If you are only 65, never move to a retirement community. Everybody else is n their 70s, 80s, or 90s. So when something has to be moved, lifted or loaded, they yell,"Get the kid."
忠告“年轻者”
这里想对将要退休者提一点忠告。如果你只有65岁的话，
千万别进退休社区。因为那里人人都七八十岁或者八九十岁了。每当要搬东西，抬东西或者装东西时，他们就叫喊，“让小的干吧。”
Which woman?
One evening I drove my husband's car to the shopping mall.
On my return, I noticed that how dusty the outside of his car was and cleaned it up a bit.When I finally entered the house, I called out."The woman who loves you the
most in the world just cleaned your headlights and windshield."
My husband looked up and said, "Mom's here?"
哪一位女人？
一天晚上我开着丈夫的车去购物，
回来后发现车身沾满灰尘，于是擦洗了一阵。当我终于走进屋里时大声喊：“世界上最爱你的女人刚擦洗了你的车灯和挡风玻璃。”
我丈夫抬头看了看，说：“妈妈来了？”
The doctor lives downstairs
"Doctor," she said loudly, bouncing into the room, "I want you to say frankly what's wrong with me."
He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you. First, your weight wants reducing by nearly fifty pounds. Second, your beauty could be improved if you used about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist---the doctor lives downstairs."
医生住在楼下
“医生”她冲进屋后大声说道。
“我想让你坦率地说我到底得了什么病。”
他从头到脚打量打量她，然后大声说：“太太，我有三件事要对你说。第一，您的体重需要减少大约50磅；第二，如果您要用上十分之一的胭脂和口红，您的美貌将会改变。第三，我是一位画家——医生住在楼下。”
One Engine Left
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker, "Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a r
esult."
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again, "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late."
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
只剩一个引擎
一架747客机正在跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音：“旅客们请注意，我们的四个引擎中有一个丢失了。但剩下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。只是我们要因此晚到一小时 。” 过了一会儿，旅客们又听到机长的声音：“各位，你们猜怎么啦 ？我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了。只有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。” 正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说：“看在上帝的份上，如果我们再掉一个引擎，我们就要整夜都要呆在天上了。”
Logic Reasoning
A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson on logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "a man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yellin
g for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows that he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked, "to draw out all of his savings?"
逻辑推理
小学四年级的教师正在给学生们上一堂逻辑课。她举了这么一个例子：“有这样一种情况，一个男人在河中心的船上钓鱼，突然失去重心掉进了水里。于是他开始挣扎并喊救命。他的妻子听到了他的喊声，知道他并不会游泳，所以她就急忙跑向河岸。谁能告诉我这是为什么？” 一个女生举手答道，“是不是去取他的存款？”
[注]bank在英语中除了我们平时很熟悉的“银行”之外，还有“河岸”的意思。
The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.
As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg
ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."
Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."
瞌睡者
牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”
THE SCHOOL HEALTH FORMS had been distributed to the students with an error---the word "Sex" had been spelled with an "o". One mother, filling out the form for her son, wrote in the blank next to "Sox": "Usually brown."
某学校发给学生的健康调查表里有个错别字——把“性别”的“性”字写成了“袜”字。一位母亲在为她的儿子填写表格时，在“袜别”的那栏填上了：“棕色为主。”
[注] 英语中sex（性）与sox（袜）只有一个字母之差。
When the young waitress in the café in Tom's building started waving hello everyday. Tom was flattered, for she was at least 15 years younger than he. One day she waved and beckoned to Tom again. When Tom strolled over, she asked, "Are you single?"
"Why, yes," Tom replied, smiling at her broadly.
"So is my mom," she said. "Would you like to meet her?"
约会
在汤姆工作的大楼里有一个咖啡屋，那儿总有一位小姐每天都和他打招呼。汤姆有些受宠若惊，因为这位小姐看上去至少比他年轻15岁。一天她又对汤姆招手并示意汤姆过去。于是汤姆走了过去。她问道，“您现在是单身吗？” “对，是单身，”汤姆满脸堆笑的说。 “我母亲也是，”她说，“您愿不愿意见见她？”
But the teacher cried
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum. Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
"Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
可是老师哭了
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样？你过的好吗？哭了没有？”
“哭？”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
A Smart Housewife.
A smart housewife was told that there was a kind of stove which would only consume half of the coal she was burning. She was very excited, and said: "That'll be terrific! Since one stove can save half of the coal, if I buy two, no coal will be needed!"
精明的家庭主妇
一位精明的家庭主妇听人说有一种炉子用起来可以比她现在用的炉子省一半的煤。她听了大为兴奋，说：“那太好了！一个炉子可以省一半的煤，那么如果我买两个炉子的话，不就可以把煤全都省下来了吗？”
Only cash and credit cards
When a man called a motel and asked how much they charged for
a room, the clerk told him that the rates depend on room size and number of people.
" Do you take children?" the man asked.
"No, sir," replied the clerk. "Only cash and credit cards."
只算现金和信用卡
一个人打电话给一家汽车旅馆询问房租，旅馆的工作人员回答说 房租的多少取决于房间的大小和住客的人数。
“小孩儿算不算呢？”那人问道。
“不算，先生。”服务员回答，“我们只算现金和信用卡。”
Does the dog know the proverb, too?
The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
狗也知道这个谚语吗？
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”
Where is the father?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
父亲在哪儿？
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀！”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢？”
哥哥想了会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?
Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?
" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, "Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mike." Soon the doctor delivers the next child. "You've a full set now, Mike. A beautiful baby daughter."
"Thanks be to..."
Again the Doctor cuts in, "Hold the lantern, Mike, Hold the lantern!" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor
holds up the baby for Mike's inspection.
"Doctor," asks Mike, "Do you think it's the light that's attracting them?"
The poor husband
"You can't imagine how difficult it is for me to deal with my wife," the man complained to his friend. "She asks me a question, then answers it herself, and after that she explained to me for half an hour why my answer is wrong.
可怜的丈夫
“你根本无法想象和我妻子打交道是多么的难，”一个男人对他的朋友诉苦说，“她问我一个问题，然后自己回答了，过后又花半个小时跟我解释为什么我的答案是错的。”
I Wasn't Asleep
When a group of women got on the car, every seat was already occupied. The conductor noticed a man who seemed to be asleep, and fearing he might miss his stop, he nudged him and said: "Wake up, sir!"
"I wasn't asleep," the man answered.
"Not asleep? But you had your eyes closed."
"I know. I just hate to look at ladies standing up beside me in a crowded car."
我没有睡着
当一群妇女上车之后，车上的座位全都被占满了。售票员注意到一名男子好象是睡着了，他担心这个人会坐过站，就用肘轻轻地碰了碰他，说：“先生，醒醒！”
“我没有睡着。”那个男人回答。
“没睡着？可是你眼睛都闭上了呀？”
“我知道，我只是不愿意看到在拥挤的车上有女士站在我身边而已。”