雅思大作文，跪求修改，帮我看看能打几分， 谢谢！
As time goes on, technology becomes an essential part in human’s【改成our或者people‘s吧人类什么的。。有点奇怪】 daily life. Airplane is one of the necessary tool【加s哦亲】 for travel【ing】, study【ing】 and visit【ing】 families. However, there are【is】 another group of public【that】 is【is换成does】 not comply with it, 【要么句号要么分号】they believe 【that the】environment is more important and airplane wastes resources and damages our living places.【不知道你要表达什么诶】
On one hand, increasly【没这词吧是想说增长迅速的吗】 amount of students are going to【to去掉】 overseas to improve their learning 【skills】and development【改成develop themselves】. Firstly, plane is the only resource to help them go on【去掉on】 aboard.【逗号which带的是分句不用另起】 Which is faster, safer and easier. In addition, there are many people’s【不要people’s了吧多余】 family members immigrate【immigrating】 to【去掉to】 overseas, so visit【ing】 them by air would be the only choice. For example, it only takes 11【写出来eleven像这种很短的数字不要用阿拉伯字数字代替】 hours from China to New Zealand. 【可变成分号然后接therefore，】Therefore, students can also go back to their country whenever they prefer.
On the other hand, a long journey costs thousands of 【thousands of liters of要有个单位吧】petrol, which means earth mother【mother earth这里直接the earth好了地球母亲。。感觉不太符合整篇文章的氛围。。】 has to provid lots of resources to satisfy human. It is not only give【giving】 more burdens to the ecology, but also the exhaust gas would occurs【cause】 environmental problem【s】 to【in】 the sky, such as acid rain. It is the revenge from nature.
Therefore, we may can【may和can选一个。。】 modify this phenomeno【这次用这里不合适吧。。一般指那种科学现象什么的】 by decrease【decreasing】 the chance of using airplane【s】 to travel, or even invent some different kind【s】 of environmentally【environmental】 friendly fuel for the plane. It is【does】 not only helped【help the】 environment, but also benefit our next generations【不要s】.
In the conclusion, plane is our compulsory tool for the【不要the】 business and study, but still we【we still】 can not【cannot】 just care only【just和only重复了】 for money and convince【convince？convenience【分号】look【ing】 forward to the further benefit would be more important.
怎么说呢我就改了一点语法没怎么注意你整体文章的构思和结构
句子上的错误确实蛮多啊有点影响阅读。。这样会让你本来精心构思的结构隐藏在语法错误背后了
句子之间的练习我也没有帮你改 有些句子之间的联系不大或者说缺少承接
你倒是背了点单词啊 但是语法还是要注意啊
我不晓得怎么评分的这个你还是去问问老师的好
总之- -有问题再说吧。。努力吧少年
我的雅思作文 帮忙修改一下 评分 谢谢
首先,你的作文太chinglish了.外国人的表达你应该多注意一下.建议你多去看英文电影学习英文化的表达.
其次,在雅思作文中是很注重上下文的连接词的.这个你可以去买一本关于雅思写作的书,书上就给你列了几乎所有常见的连接词.
最后,雅思写作的阅卷一律是由外国人阅的.阅雅思卷和别的卷不同.阅卷老师领钱是按照阅的试卷份数领的.阅的多的领的钱就多.所以,注意你的卷面给他们的第一印象.
To sum up,you need more practice.
帮忙改一下雅思大作文！万分感谢！
括号里为改过的内容
Working at home is becoming (an) increasingly common career choice for many of us. Whether you decide to start your own home business, sell things on(at) eBay, or become a freelance writer, the possibilities for working (at) home(建议用domestically) are endless. There are a number of advantages (ascribe to) working at home; however, there are also a number of (drawbacks coming) with it. In the following paragraphs I’ll examine both benefits and downsides of the new phenomenon.(开头有点平淡,有几处语法错误,且theme 模糊,建议最后一句改成I have to unswervely claim my perspective that the merits overwhelm demerits)
To start rolling the work from home benefits.(incomplete sentence) Let’s take (a) look at someone who (choose to work at home). For the person, it would be much convenient since he doesn’t have to worry about gas prices, or (feel) trouble of picking up clothes for work, or (spend) much time in commuting and so on. In addition, anther benefit that some people who prefer to work from home see it the nature of their work(incomplete sentence). There are (people) who are happier and more (effective) working (at) home than in the office and oftentimes distracting chats from colleagues. The work from home brings a revolution (that change the lifestyle of people).
However, there is some disadvantages of working (domestically). Firstly, when you work from home, you don’t have colleagues and coworkers to share professional ideas and gossip, there is less support and encouragement when you work from home. Besides, some people who work from home are lack (of) discipline , because their own without management spurring them on(这句没怎么读懂)
Overall, there are a variety of different advantages and disadvantages (that) are associated with working at home. But, it is important when considering the growing trend in working from home that not see it as an easy option..
Summary:
1字数有点少,一般应写五段,而且最好写成一边倒式,再加一个让步段,LZ说理太不具体了,有点假大空,比如缺点就两句话,还说了两个不同的缺点,要是写具体了,完全可以两个缺点各写一段, ,再加一个让步段,也可以写点三个缺点: 无合作精神. LZ你是不是写的时候觉得无话可说,总觉得你每提一个点,还没展开就就写到下一个点了,建议在每一个点后面加2-3句,进一步解释,比如说some people who work from home are lack of discipline,可说一旦要他们与人合作,他们太自我,做事只顾自己,导致整个团队无法正常运转……
你这种写法考试一定吃大亏,很多题目只能写一边,而且理由一般就只有2-3 点,这时你怎么办,你要找多少个点(支持你观点的理由)才够?
2 词汇建议不要老重复,重复两次以上,只要不是无法代替的词汇,全都要扣分,阁下一直在用work from(at) home,不如改为work domestically/privately/alone,还友请别再写类似于peoples之类的词
3 语法:其实我语法也不行，建议以后写完自己先改一边
4 用齐头式段与段之间要空一行，这样也显得比较整齐。
5 打了这么多，是不是能再加几分？
雅思作文，求好心人改改语法，给个分。
先说，我尽可能不修改内容，段落编排跟文章整体意义，只改语法跟不通顺的地方。
some (people, 你暗喻了，所以后面请不要用plural）regards (regard, 要singular) air travel is only beneficial for those financially advantaged but not the disadvantaged.
still considerable, ==>
is still considerably expensive
still considerable to some (对部分人来说)
(implication 有些含糊) 所以我会建议把imply的意义写出来。
用了considerable to some,后面就不要用 sometime (sometime 请用 sometimes 因为你指的不是特定时段，是很多不同的时段，请用plural)
两个some字有点怪，找个同义的用吧(ie. at times)
all their wages for couple of months
I would say all their income (用收入来表示好过写成工资吧，毕竟工资并不代表收入)
for a couple of months (要加上"a" couple of months, 就用couple of months是比较口语的，用来写作是不太好）我说话会用couple of (whatever) 但写作要用 a couple of xxx
Therefore, compared to the rich, it is reasonably not that simple for the people who just maintain an average level of income to afford the expense of air travel. 这句子错grammar.
reasonably (adverb，是用来形容verb的) 去附加上 not that simple (noun)
你前面用reasonably 后面加上单字的verb 。不然文法会错。
例如：reasonably difficult, reasonably hard (for people)
for people who (okay, 别加the)
for those who (okay)
let not fet other benefits it has brought to public
it brought to public (别加has)
public 可用 the public / public 都可，用(the public指更大，指人类，而public 指的但是公众，比较"小“）
As the advancement of air transportation
visit and work in global scope (这字指的是很大，指的是范围，这里用些简单的就好，别搞到听起来怪怪的）visit and work in other areas (other parts of the world)
For those who are not very wealthy but with intellectual skills （智力技能？不通）
用with valuable skills, or with valuable technical skills （珍贵的技术技能/学识）
or technically knowledgeable or well-trained in certain specialized field
随便用一个吧
foreign labour market can be another career choice. (职业选择？不通)
foreign labour markets （要s, 不然你要用the foreign labour market，单一的） could, very likely, offer many other job opportunities. （提供很多其他的工作机会）
For example, there are more foreign English language tutors in non-English speaking countries and those ESL tutors get better remunerations and that exactly expand their employment opportunities.
For example, there are more English language tutors in non-English speaking countries; those ESL tutors get better remunerations and that expand their employment opportunities.
foreign 和 english language tutors 不是文法问题，只是听起来很clumsy, 好像有重覆的意思。
还有没关系段句你主用and去做连接，不太顺。把它们分开会好看点。
exactly 不知道你在emphasize 什麽，没意义的字，如果你真的要emphasize, 倒不如说 and that as well expand their xxxx
In addition, because of the improvements (progress指进度，这里不适用，用字问题，倒不如写进步) that air travel industries (请用航空事业，并不是单一的航空）made, the tourism industry has developed very well in recent years
因航空事业的进步，XXXXX (这样比较通顺）
In other words, there are more job positions have been created to support the development in the industry and people have more career stages to show their talents.
more jobs are created to support the development of the industry, and this as well set stage for many to apply their talents and further develop their skills. （很难改，重写了）
还有别搞太多past / past participle 出来 (have been/ has been / have had blah blah blah etc.)
用平平整整的写，这样对考试来说比较保险。反正在说一些facts 出来，并没有过去现在之分。
optimistic example （乐观的例子？？）文法没错，但不通顺
用positive example 吧…… （正面的例子）
we can all better enjoy air travel and together further boost economic growth.
主要是，用词不够贴切。意义未能完善地表达出来。有些clumsy的感觉（就是硬要把很多词汇加进去但搞到句子听起来怪怪的）。
整编文法错误也不算厉害。但简单的例如single plural 跟 tense 就别搞错太多。加上内容到后来并不是十分对题，感觉有点像在拼字数交功课……，并没有真正说明制作飞机技术的进步，对空中交通只能对有钱人有好处多做作辩解。感觉在旁边打游击，写不到重点。
文法要没错才能拿得到较高分数(8-10)，之后还要看内容等等。如我要给分只能给你55-60%。
从文章我能看到你背了不少的接词，对做句也有下过一番功夫，但文字功力不够。
文法错太厉害的文章我根本不会理会，所以我会回覆就代表你写的我还可以修改，并不算惨不忍睹（笑）