请大神修改一篇雅思大作文！！谢谢啦！
这篇文章你用一边倒的方式还更好，倒数第二段的论证其实反而弱化了你的立场。当然，要保留第二段的话也有一个技巧，你可以以退为进。把它放在第一段或者第二段。 逻辑可表达为：虽然有些人认为学习语言的文化背景和生活方式没必要，因为。。。。。。，我还是倾向于认为。。。。。理由如下：
论证的部分，你的力度一般，而且有些重复。比如你第二段第二个点是"more quickly”，第三点又是“efficiency"，更快，和效率，这本身有重复的嫌疑。也就是说如果在找点上如果差别不是那么明确的话，还不如合二为一。 还有为了增加论证的力度，你除了用例证之外， 还可以用反证法。
单词/语法/句式结构难度上，一般，语法错误不算多，（第二段中，during 是个介词，后面不能直接加完整的句子）但词汇和句式结构上也没什么亮点
综上：应该是5.5分左右。最高6，低可为5.
这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
1. 题目改写问题，用词太多重复如die out可换成extinct/obsolete, easier to understood,这些没换词。。。可以考虑下换
2. least people其实可以换成别的词。。。或直接换成lesser-known languages.....
3. AS 这个词。。就用了3次（主要是句型没变换）。。。可以考虑下换回beacause,或者因果颠倒下用therefore/thus.
4. communcate easierly...这个也可以考虑换下。。那个easierly...
5. 然后那个however，后面说的会造成什么问题，最好也说一下。。。略讲也可以
6. different languages可以和language diversity交替来使用。。。。
分数的话。。我很难说，如果没看到马可波罗那个例子，我会给5.5.。。。。不过有了的话。。估计是6或者6.5，具体就看别的部分你的阐述是否完整而且符合题意。
求大神改一改我的雅思作文,剑桥7t1的小作文
This table illustrates the [data](normally we say illustrate the changes or the situation, or show you the data )of consumers spending on various items in [the following five countries, ](omit them!)Ireland, Italy,Spain, Sweden and Turkey in 2002.According to the table, it’s obvious that Irelandand and(!)Turkey spent(I'd rather use account for) the [most](highest) percentage of money, [while](with) 28.91% for Ireland and 32.14% for Turkey, on food, drinks and tobacco. The other 3 countries had [similar](nearly even. Here similar will raise confusion.) percentage at an average of nearly 17%, which is far lower than (that of) the previous countries. Then in the item of clothing and footwear Italy stood out with a 9%and the rest of the countries range from 5% to 7%. [Different from](in contrast with) the former 2items, [countries](the countries') spending didn’t vary too much from each other in the item of leisure and education. Italy went to 4.35% and Spain sit at 1.98%.[Every country has its unique way of life](It's the people not the country that have their way of life. I'd rather say People in different countries have different life styles.). We can judge them only through consumers spending[, but](.But) it may be better if [we](they) spend more money on education and leisure.
注:中括号里的内容是觉得有问题的部分，之后括号内的内容是给出的替换。时间关系只能说这么多了，希望能帮到你。
雅思作文,请高手批改,谢谢!
Is the study of history useless? Some people’s answer is “yes” because they believe there are many disadvantages to spend time learning history. However, I can hardly agree with this opinion.
It is evident that studying history is imperative due to history’s important role in enabling people to inherit traditional culture of their countries. If the history were not studied, the related culture would be lost and people would be unaware of what had happened before. More significantly, studying history can not only make people know the past, but also help to promote today’s development. It is because that the study of history could enrich people’s experience, and therefore make them make fewer mistakes as well as avoid similar mistakes occurred in the past and thus advance faster. Lastly, there are a lot of interesting stories in history which people can enjoy in their leisure time.
Even so, I admit that there are disadvantages if people spend too much time on past stories instead of today’s problems, which directly link to our everyday life. Furthermore, it would be inappropriate if we applied old experience on the today’s problems without any changes. It is reasonable because that the situations nowadays are unparalleled so the solutions must be different from those in the past as well. Despite that, people can learn valuable knowledge from history.
To sum up, I take the view that the study of history is very essential although spending too much time on it has detrimental influences. I am convinced that studying history is helpful to the development of the society.
In my opinion, you have the points but you are lack of explanations and examples. You also need to polish your points. For instance, you said studying history can help people to inherit traditional culture of their ancestors, but what if traditional culture is not inherited and what a re the undesirable consequences? Moreover, you said there were interesting stories occurred in the past and people can enjoy the stories, this is valid however, can you give some examples?
In the third paragraph, you are giving counter-arguments and this is good. However, in the first sentence, you have to focus on the drawback of history studying instead of giving drawback of spending too much time on studying history. This mistake is also present in the first paragraph.
In conclusion, you have written a quite insightful passage with points on both sides; advantages as well as disadvantages of history studying. What you need to do is to focus on your stand and polish your points with analysis and probably examples.