- 这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
- 第一次写雅思作文，求高手批改！语法时态看下。大概能得几分啊，谢谢！
- 求助高手帮忙批改下雅思作文，多谢！
- 求雅思作文批改 顺便估下分 万分感谢~
这周考雅思！求各大神批改作文！就一篇而已，谢谢！TAT（可以的话给个分数再改耶.谢谢！！）
1. 题目改写问题，用词太多重复如die out可换成extinct/obsolete, easier to understood,这些没换词。。。可以考虑下换
2. least people其实可以换成别的词。。。或直接换成lesser-known languages.....
3. AS 这个词。。就用了3次（主要是句型没变换）。。。可以考虑下换回beacause,或者因果颠倒下用therefore/thus.
4. communcate easierly...这个也可以考虑换下。。那个easierly...
5. 然后那个however，后面说的会造成什么问题，最好也说一下。。。略讲也可以
6. different languages可以和language diversity交替来使用。。。。
分数的话。。我很难说，如果没看到马可波罗那个例子，我会给5.5.。。。。不过有了的话。。估计是6或者6.5，具体就看别的部分你的阐述是否完整而且符合题意。
第一次写雅思作文，求高手批改！语法时态看下。大概能得几分啊，谢谢！
我可以肯定的告诉你，4分都不到。
首先，雅思是进入国外大学的门槛，是要检验你是否达到基本的grade12的english，所以要有清晰的思路和几乎零的语法错误。
你有以下几个错误：
1.文章结构不对。一般来说分为5段，开头+3段论点段+结尾
2.没有提出实际的论点，只有一些假设（if开头），老外是不喜欢看的，而且不会理解中文的思想。
3。要多用精简的句子。举例也不要太长，两句话足以。一般来说每段5-7句话最多了。
4.你的提纲有问题。我写一个给你作参考：
开头：
Modern technology has changed our daily life.（很抽象的总起句） People drive vehicles to work, use computers to type reports, and watch TV programs to entertain.（补充例子） Technology makes people live more easily because technology saves people's time on work, improves people's relationship, and provides people more job opportunities.(这句为整个文章的3个论点，要用排比。)Thus, modern technology makes people's life better.（总结句）
第一个body paragraph：（对应第一个论点）
Technology shortens people's time on work because new technology integrates lots of tasks that are helpful to do work. （第一句话提出总段的论点，但要用不同的词句去表达，用because 连接。）For example, when people do paper work, Internet is an effective tool that helps people find files. （第二句话给例子。）In the past, people wasted too much time on looking for an article in books; However, people now can easily search and read a lot of articles by just typing key words on the Internet. (解释例子) The increased rate of doing work can even provide employees a chance of promotion. (再扩展例子) Thus, technology helps people do their work fast.(总结句总结论点)
第二个body paragraph：（对应第二个论点，总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology helps people to build relationship with others because modern technology is popular in all over the world. Cell phone is a recent technical product, and functions in offering long-distance conversation. One advantage of cell phone is its size, which is so small and easy to carry anywhere. If people have cell phones, they can receive their families’ or friends’ calls anywhere. So, they will get closer to their friends or families. Therefore, technology improves people’s relationship.
第三个body paragraph：（对应第三个论点，总体结构和上一段一样）
Technology provides people more job opportunities because a lot of new jobs require the technologies that did not exist before. For instance, a lot of teens choose network maintenance staff, which is a novel job position, as their career. Because more and more people use Internet, problems relating to the network come after. Network maintenance staff is the job position to satisfy Internet users’ needs. Thus, technology gives people more new job positions to choose.
结尾：(结尾要和开头相对应，要总结论点。就像是把开头“倒过来”写。)
To sum up, modern technology improves people's life. (总结句) Technology saves people's time on work, improves people's relationship, and provides people more job opportunities. （3个论点）Modern technology has become the part of our life. We not only use modern technology, also enjoy it. (扩展主题)
希望以上的东西对你有帮助
求助高手帮忙批改下雅思作文，多谢！
Hey, If I was a examiner, I would give you 5.
This issue is about "why universities should make it easy for rural student to study at." But you focused on the advantage of rural student entering university. You should develop your ideas based on the topic.
Besides, be careful for common mistakes and language problems.
求雅思作文批改 顺便估下分 万分感谢~
As the cyber techniques continue to develop and the user number of computers, mobile phones and other communicating devices continue to grow, some people believe our traditional skills of letter writing will disappear fully. In my view, I cannot agree with this view for the following reasons.
At the begining, the skill of writing cannot be replaced by the usage of any electronic devices. The skill of writing is the ability of expressing ideas in written languages. And what the application of computers and cellphones has changed is only the format but not the content of the written documents. However, the content relates highly to the educational levels and the living and working experiences of individuals Thus, if a person is well educated, no matter how often he or she uses the computers, his ability in writing letter can be maintained fully.
Besides, even the advanced communication techniques has been highly prevalent in contemperary society, chances are still available for individuals to write traditionally. And the examples of them are varied. Couples sometimes manually write love letters to each other with the purpose of showing strong emotions; students in all educational levels are still using the pens to answer most of the exam questions including the writing questions and in some perticular situations, people tend to write something traditionally such as leaving messages to family members or friends.
In conclusion, while the advanced communication techniques and the associated devices are spreading into nearly every aspects of people's lives, this does not mean that our traditional skills of writting will head to disappear. That is because what the application of these communication devices have changed is the format but not the real content of writing and there are sitll plenty of opportunities for individuals to write by using their pens.
我觉得你写的好像有点离题啊，题目问的是传统的书信技能是不是因为使用电脑和手机而完全丧失，你在第2段写的是电脑的好处，而不是你是否同意这个观点。我从写了一遍，供你参考。