请问这句话有没有语法错误？
没有错误。第二句话中in it要根据第一句话the library来看，第一句已经特指这个图书馆，所以第二句可以直接说in it，表示没有别的图书馆，就是第一句话说的这个图书馆。
请帮看看有没有语法错误
Good afternoon! My lovely friends!
Today I will talk to one word: dream.
改为：What I am going to talk about will be around one word: dream.
Do you have a wonderful dream?
I think everyone must have a dream.
Because it is the world's most beautiful things.（改为：it is the most beautiful thing of the world.名词所有格只用于表示生命的名词；另外it is ... thing而不是things）
Do you know Obama ? He is a black .He has an "American Dream"：Nothing is impossible! So Obama is the first black U.S.A president.
Do you know Li An?He is a director. He said:Success belongs to those who have a dream .
So his efforts in order to dream.
此句有语病，是否要表达：He made his effort in order to realize his dream.他尽力去实现自己的梦想。
He proudly held （helped） up （是否要表示支持？那就改成supported,注意过去时态！）the Oscar.
His heart will always have a dream on film.
改为：He always had a dream on film in his heart.
Do you remember the Olympic dream in 2008 it(it多余，去掉。)?
When the 29th Olympic flame（火炬：torch） lit,
被动语态：When the 29th Olympic torch was lit,
the Chinese people's dream （另加had表示过去完成） realized!
When the "One World, One Dream" sounded （改为被动：was sung out）, the voice of the world's dream was ignited!
Yes!
Dream is the beginning of the power savings ,
dream is what we achieve
the necessary conditions for the success of the other side .
改为：dream is a necessary condition for a success that we have achjieved.
Not (不能用not，因为是副词，改为形容词no)dream of life will be empty,
no dreams of life (添加动词are)as the aircraft lost （改为miss their）buoys, ships lost （miss their）lighthouse,
(and no dream)will eventually be eliminated (词汇太大，改为 got ri of)by the community.
Russian writer Tolstoy said:“Ideal is the beacon. Without ideal, there is no secure direction; without direction, there is no life.”
American writer Mark Twain said:“
Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. ”
Do you know? I'm (用过去时：used to be) a shy and quiet girl.But my parent(parents),my teachers,（and）my friends told me:“Don't be afraid to lose face （and）don't be shy （,逗号不能要） in order to fuel your dreams!” Therefore, I constantly make （改为have constantly made）new friends, and (have)constantly improve(d) themselves, now, I am a confident person!I am a dreamer!
Friends,why not be a dreamer,you can be just the one you wanna be!
Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That can never fly.
Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen only with snow
If you can not stand being looked down upon!
If you can not stand being laughed at!
If you want to be successful!
If you want to be international!
If you do not want to let your parents down!
If you do not want to let your country down!
Most important!
If you do not want to let youself down!
In that case, you must find a dream!
You must take immediate action to achieve your dreams!
Friends, the dream of flying now, Believe in yourself, let us gather in the glory of that day.
Let's make miracles together!
Let's begin it!
Let's just do it!
My speech is over.Thank you for your listening !
帮忙看看我这篇英语短文有语法错误吗？
其实还是有不少不太恰当的地方的。首先一句结束要用句号。 改的地方我帮你加粗了。
My name is Chen Wenxing.I'm 16 years old. My grades are not good；however,(but 一般不连接太长的两个句子） I believe that if we learn together we will be able to get good grades!（用上条件状语从句，原来的语法不对 表达是中式英语） Standing here, What I want to say is that there once was a great musician,who has inspired me to move forward—— Michael Jackson,the King of Pop. He was very fond of children, because he did not have a happy childhood.So he wanted the world to each (?这句什么意思 不懂什么叫the world to each 没这个表达） every child to have a happy childhood! He used music to heal the world(MJ 有一首歌就叫heal the world 这个不是语法错误拉 只是heal 比save更加高级 有治愈的意思)! I love Michael； I love this world ; I will love life forever; all because of love!
改得很辛苦... 看起来你的英语水平大概在同龄人里面还算不错的 单词量很大 不过小细节还是要注意的 比如时态的一致 标点的正确使用 从句的使用（大概还没学吧） 一个句子里只能有一个谓语动词的说
加油吧~
高手帮忙看看这段有没有语法错误之类的，追分，在线等，多谢
改完了，仅供参考，希望对你有所帮助，完整修改后的全文，见最后部分
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from the world of dead （dead是形容词，要么用the dead，要么用death）
live in a world of eternal night （并列句，前后冠词最好一致，都用a或者the world，如果前面用the dead，这里最好用the eternal night）
but they still move （去掉they，主语重复性省略）
they still move, but never under the sun.（同样，前面是分号，去掉they，后面加but will never be under...，谓语对称呼应，时态递进）
They are the most beautiful creator, and the ugliest （中间不要加逗号）
They are vampires which will appear （去掉will，意味更好，而且appear已经有一些will的意境了）
It is not a interesting thing that （换成It's not interesting that）
try to prove that vampire isn’t a kind of powerful （去掉that，prove sth. is sth.）
They are evil, they are incubus (中间必需加连词的，或者说
They are evil.
They are incubus.)
They have eternal life and eternal lonlieness.(缺少冠词，They have an eternal life, but also an eternal lonlieness.)
the night monster which is addicted to blood.（最好用复数monsters，比较有气势，后面用are....to the blood）
About the first vampire’s story has obscure origins ( The first vampire’s story has its obscure origins )
the really first lady(first lady是第一夫人的意思...这里最好用first woman，小词very效果会比really好很多，the very first woman)
然后one said 这句后面全部用过去时
of jealousy （of the jealousy）
the God curse him （God cursed him，不用the God）
blood for life （最好用 for his life， his eternal life）
God cursed him to become a monster which has to drink blood for his life, his eternal life.
who betray Jesus （过去时，betrayed）
of Christ (of Jesus Christ，用全称表尊敬)
Christ. Then, killed himself （Christ后面是，who betray Jesus(基督), and lead to the death of Christ都是定语，后面的 killed himself for regret才是句子主干）
But the God damn （不要but，直接God damned）
he and his descendant live in the hell forever.（He and... descendants 另起一句，动词前加will）
The talent author show（这里用过去时或者现在时都可以，但是动词要变形的，加s或者ed）
there are dark （后面都是名词，这里用darkness）
crime; and there （用分号就不要用and，用and前面就要用逗号，而且这后半句最好用 there are darkness blood, and crime，but still love, hope, and humor.
vampire was split between (vampires were split into 不用between)
accept accepted
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They come from a world of the dead and live in a world of the eternal night.
No more warm can they keep,
no more love can they feel.
They have died, but still move;
still move, but will never be under the sun again.
They walk like nightmare, they think like evil spirit.
They are dunk with blood, and they enjoy the crime that make by their own hands.
They are the most beautiful creator and the ugliest freak at the same time.
They are vampires which appear in your dark nightmare and romantic fantasy.
It's not interesting that try to prove vampire is not a kind of powerful monster.
They are evil.
They are incubus.
They have an eternal life, but also an eternal lonlieness.
Next, I will introduce the brief culture of the night monsters which are addicted to the blood.
The first vampire’s story has its obscure origins, there are many kind of hearsay that cannot be proved.
One said, Lilith, who was the very first woman, earlier than Eve(夏娃), Adam(亚当)’s truly first wife, become a witch that suck in blood of little child after her marriage with Adam was broken.
Another one is about a Bible story.When Cain(该隐) killed his brother Abel(亚伯) cause of the jealousy, God cursed him to become a monster which has to drink blood for his life, his eternal life.
And the last story is about Judah(犹大) who betrayed Jesus(基督), and lead to the death of Jesus Christ,then, killed himself for regret.
God damned him literally.
He and his descendants will live in the hell forever.
The talent author shows us a fantasy world. In this world, there are darkness, blood, and crime, but still love, hope, and humor. Anne Rice had written a credible legend and an adult fairy tale.
After the Dark Age, vampires were split into the Camarilla(密党) and the Sabbat(魔党).
The Camarilla accepted to respect “Six Traditions(六戒) ”